I’ve always thought of myself as a woman of faith. God has gotten me through some tough times, and I tend to talk to Him more as a friend. A few months ago, however, I was gravely ill and in ICU. My lungs and heart were drowning in fluid, and my body was wracked with infection. In spite of my faith, I found I was scared at the thought of dying.
One thing I have embraced in the Bible, is Luke 12:25. “And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life span.” God gives us so much time on earth to do our work and then we are through when God says so. But I had so much left to do! So much hurt in the world I wanted to help. I also remember Mark 9:24 “I do believe; help my unbelief.”
At some point I did my best to surrender. “OK, God, I know it’s up to you, but I have work to do here, so not today. OK?”
His response was clear and startling, “Maybe today.” It was not a voice, just a profound presence.
“No, not today,” I resisted. “I have work left to do! I want to finish my book.”
“Maybe today,” was the quiet response.
“No, not today,” I persisted. “My friends will be devastated.”
“Maybe today,” was the unwelcome response.
“Please not today,” I begged. “Who will take care of my dog if I’m gone!”
The answer was the same, “Maybe today.” I didn’t know what else to say.
In my silence I heard “And that’s when faith begins.”
Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” When I stopped arguing, faith kicked in.
So, it wasn’t my day. Am I less afraid to die? Maybe a little. I do, however, feel His power, wisdom and patience a bit more. John 20:29 reminds me “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
I have also had personal experience lately with James 1:3 “Because you know that testing of your faith produces perseverance.” From the hospital I went to rehab, to temporary long-term care to recover enough to have major surgery to solve my underlying health problems. Two more months, through the holidays, in a place I don’t really want to be, but where I need to be. God has put me here for His purpose. It’s up to me to figure out what that is and do my best. I guess I could use more patience to practice my perseverance!
This article was submitted by Margie Gray, a member at St. Anne’s Episcopal Church and Access for All God’s Children Committee.
