Most people can look back on a time when words hurt them. Just one or two words can be etched in a person’s brain forever, no matter how old they were or who the speaker was or where it occurred.
Several years ago, the congregation I was a part of had an anniversary party for the church. It was a milestone and a huge affair. Special guests were invited, old and new members and clergy attended the service and then a catered lunch was served.
The food was served inside, but tents with tables and chairs were put out on the lawn to accommodate the large crowd. A few tables were set up in the back room for those not wanting to venture out in the heat and on the uneven ground. I use a power wheelchair, so one of the ladies from the church helped me fill my plate. When I started to head outside to eat with friends, she stopped.
“No, we have your place back here!” and carried my plate to the back room to a place at the table where a chair had been removed.
I knew this woman was a kind soul who did not intend to hurt me, but caring without understanding can backfire. “Your place” is not with everyone else. I was not given the option others were, even though my powerchair traveled anywhere. I didn’t protest, because I didn’t want to cause a scene. But that one demeaning comment ruined that day for me. I felt I was “less than,” relegated to my “place.” Asking where I preferred to sit would have been so appreciated. Choice, even in small things, is a vital part of dignity for every human being.
This article was submitted by Margie Gray. Margie is a member of St. Anne’s in Lee’s Summit. She is a retired Missouri State Probation and Parole Office and lives alone with her rescue dog, Jax. She has been disabled from a young age after a bout with whooping cough and uses a wheelchair.
